Live every week like it's Shark Week.

pianoblackness @ 2004-09-20T00:18:00

2004-09-20T04:22:48Z

Yes I put these pics on Xanga too. Doesn't matter. The main message is...I want to lick his jaw line. Must he be so...sexy? Only problem, he has one of those 15 syllable last names I can't understand. Well..I'll try. Mukaddam. I did it! Not so hard.

What a hot bitch. Someone remind me why guys at Blair don't come across like this? Anyone? Anyone? Exactly.

pianoblackness @ 2004-09-18T21:41:00

2004-09-19T01:44:46Z

I'm tyring to get to either a HipHop or Jazz class at Joy of Motion some time this week. I should really stop back by MYB for an adult class too. I'm still upset that the whole ballet thing just bombed. I was really hoping that maybe I would just find something in myself that would give me the ability to be good for once. But no..I still sucked. And I blame 99.9% of that on Suto, not on myself. I'm still kicking myself for staying there as long as I did. I can't believe that I haven't taken a dance class in almost 3 weeks. It's really gross. I want to stay in some sort of physical shape. I can't at school because I don't have P.E. and our sports suck. And I pretty much suck at a lot of other sports anyway. The only sport I think I could be decent at is cheerleading, but not Blair's squad. We suck...so bad. It's painful to watch. I would have to go to non-school based squad, which can be really hard to get into. Maybe next year I'll try out for one, just for fun or something.

pianoblackness @ 2004-09-18T02:11:00

2004-09-18T06:14:51Z

Thought about it and I definitely don't like Josh. I was just being stupid for a second.

Why is it so hard to find good guy friends at Blair? I need a good guy friend who I can play video games with(or make play for me) or roll around in the mud with. But there are none at Blair! Or atleast in my classes. This sucks.

pianoblackness @ 2004-09-14T23:55:00

2004-09-15T03:57:12Z

Number 20 on JV soccer is fine as hell. Gillian says he just came from Ecuador or something. He's fine. The guy on the bus from Springbrook is alright too. He's not HOT HOT, but considering Blair's small selection of semi-intelligent men, I'll take what I can get.

Some one find me a Goddamn makeout buddy!

Oh, party on Saturday was fun. And yes, Lisa did back her thing up. Guys from D.C. really like to dance on the wall for some reason. I don't know why.

pianoblackness @ 2004-09-10T23:24:00

2004-09-11T03:35:17Z

I'm afraid that I'm experiencing extreme sexual tension. I've never ever fought with anyone as frequently and still been able to remain friends as I do with this person. I don't want to mention their name just in case though I bet you 10 bucks Angie can figure it out. It's so disturbing. I seriously liked him for like 1.5 days and got over it. Or atleast suppressed it so I didn't notice it. I hate this. God..he's such a bitch. I hate not knowing whether to make the first move or not. If he would give me some sort of a sign I would throw him against a locker and kiss him senseless. But no, my relationships can never be simple.

He said I have hoish tendencies. Mainly because I like to *ahem* "dance". A female said that she understood what I was saying because I seem at ease around with guys, which I have been told several times but I only now believe it.

Ok, screw it. I'm going to admit it.

Josh...I like you, you stupidmotherfuckingcocksuckingsonofabitch! I LIKE YOU!

Did I just say that? Maybe noone will read this.

Give me a fucking sign already!

God Josh. I fucking hate you so much.

pianoblackness @ 2004-09-08T23:00:00

2004-09-09T03:01:24Z

Guess who needs a makeout buddy? ME!

pianoblackness @ 2004-09-05T21:14:00

2004-09-06T01:19:44Z

Is Spike probably dead? Yes. But it just doesn't feel right for him to be dead. I can't explain but, I just don't think he's dead. I think that cat story was more symbolic of how he could move on with his life now that Julia died, not about him actually dying. I read some short essay from a person who believes that Spike is dead and they made an interesting point about the star that faded. That star could have been Vicious's star, not Spike's. I don't know, it all feels strange. It just seems more like it was Spike's previous life and his old reason for being were what died, not him. See You Space Cowboy and Blue were both songs about letting things go, though they never truely leave you. I just think that it was Spike finally getting away from his past.

Stupid creators of Cowboy Bebop. Humans need closure bitches!

pianoblackness @ 2004-09-05T02:08:00

2004-09-05T06:13:45Z

On Xanga I put up The Real Folk Blues, but then replaced it with See You Space Cowboy. It seemed more fitting. Mainly because The Real Folk Blues wasn't played for the first time and See You Space Cowboy was played for it's only time. When I heard it on the show I thought it was in a different language but the same lyrics, since it's practically the same song, just a different emphasis on instruments. So I found the lyrics and alas, it's the same language with different lyrics. Now I know why the name is different. The lyrics completely changed the meaning of the song.

Damn that Yoko for being so clever.

pianoblackness @ 2004-09-05T01:30:00

2004-09-05T05:35:31Z

Cowboy Bebop just ended. I was tearing up, almost like when everyone's dad cried when M.A.S.H. ended. This is the only time I will ever admit to almost crying over something not real. And this is the only time I have ever almost cried to something not real. I hate bittersweet anything, especially when they have lasting messages. The fact that I can watch it over and over doesn't make it any better. It only makes it worse because I still know that it's going to end. It's never coming back. Why does nothing worth lasting last?

Atleast I still have the movie to watch.

I hate this feeling.

pianoblackness @ 2004-09-03T23:39:00

2004-09-04T03:46:10Z

Hmmmm....I need some sort of make out buddy. A friend that I can just randomly make out with or something. You know, no strings attached. Boyfriends are to...clingy. Though I think I may have a slight thing for Noah Moreno right now. It's because he's so quiet. Damn him! He's like never spoken, even since middle school. If I got him Zahra would be proud. Or I atleast want to play with his hair and Zahra could play with it too! The kid that looks like Sid from Toy Story isn't too bad. And in Lit as Film one of the giant greasy haired mutant's other mutant friends has really nice hands. I'm such a sucker for tall men. Stupid tall guys. There was a cute guy that played DDR today, he was the first one we saw when we came in. I have no idea who he is. Snap...I'm so deprived Marvin is looking good. But he called me a slut because I poked him. Why am I always being called a slut/man stealer. How can I steal men if I've like never had a boyfriend? And I'm not loose!

Stolen from my xanga:

Most interesting thing that happened today was when Gabe finally saw me and Gillian for the first time...even though Gillian is in one of his classes. After giving us like 5 ten minute long hugs, this convo happened.

Gabe: Yeah...we had sex.
Me: No we didn't!
Gabe: Yeah we did.
Me: No we didn't!
Gabe: Ohhh...the we almost had sex.
Me: No we didn't!
Gabe: ...
Me: ...
Gabe: Ok, we didn't have sex.

Gabe is so special. He would have sex with anyone.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-30T11:24:00

2004-08-30T15:38:12Z

I told my dad I was thinking about not going to college right after high school. What's the point?! By next year I'll have been in school 13 years! What's a year or two off going to do? The same schools are going to be there when I decided to go to school. Anywho, he freaked. Well, that's putting it mildly. He didn't really yell...well yeah he did, but it was more a "Don't even talk about this our I'm going to have a heart attack" type of conversation. Then I said if I like the Edison program enough I'll just go to culinary school. My dad said I should still go to college. And the whole time I was thinking I could go to culinary school and if being a chef doesn't work out THEN I can go to college. But no. Once again when I'm trying to prepare for my future I get no say in it. This is why I avoid telling my family anything. I don't feel like hearing them yell at me and expect me not to yell back. Am I just supposed to sit back and let them decide what I want to do? Fuck no! So I'm back at my plan that I've had for the past 2 years. Hopefully I can get a job this school year/summer/next school year/summer and save up all my money. Then I'll buy some plane ticket to wherever, live in some crappy hostel for 2/3 weeks till I find an equally crappy apartment, get a crappy job, and do what I want. As long as it's not a job I hate I don't care. I don't care about where I live as long as I can sleep without dying. Right now I'm really thinking of Brazil because the beach is so close. Australia's too far away. I like the idea of London because flights over there are cheaper than other places, but London is expensive. The stupid Euro is more than the dollar so I'ld be screwed. I'm really thinking Brazil.

And would I tell my family that I'm leaving? Probably not. Because I wouldn't want to hear their mouth. All they would say is how I'm making a horrible decision and blah blah blah. SO WHAT?! It's a learning experience. I guess I would phone them at the airport or something. I could leave a note, but knowing my family, they wouldn't find it for weeks. I just need to get a Portuguese translation book. I could take classes, but all the colleges in the area have their Portuguese classes during school hours. I was thinking of taking Italian and going to Italy, but I think Brazil is cooler. And if all else fails I'm not too humble to go crawling back to my parents and telling them that they were right.

Soo...should I go to Rio de Janeiro or San Paulo?

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-28T15:13:00

2004-08-28T19:18:32Z

I'm slowly realising that I used to have panic attacks. I was reading the symptoms of panic attacks or how people know when they are having them and I fit the description for these things I used to freak out over when I was in elementary school. I used to want to die when we had to play Number Chompers. I would do everything I could do to get out of class when our teacher would tell us we were going to play it in the computer lab. Eventually I would go to the nurse's room shaking and sweating. And it made no sense because it was Number Chompers! Everyone else thought it was fun! My dad bought me a newer version of it when I was like 10 and that version was fun. I also used to freak whenever Killing Me Softly was played on the bus and it was raining. It was something about the word killing and me being on a school bus in the rain. I probably thought I was going to die. I don't remember being afraid of anything like I was with Number Chompers and that song scenario. Funny how I hate that song now because everyone and their grandmother tries to sing it and murders it.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-27T22:12:00

2004-08-28T02:15:49Z

Blah. My entry didn't go through so I must post it again. My schedule is fixed, well not really, but Mr.Whitacre's class is only a semester so everything is fine. And I think I'm probably going to take a year or two off before college. Only my parents will probably be very unsuppotive of this decision so I need a job so I can start saving for whatever. I was thinking of going to Rome, Cairo, Brazil, or Australia. But all are costly in the airfare department and I don't feel like learning another language at the moment. So I will probably go to London because Virgin Atlantic has some beast deals with airfare and London seems to have higher quality hostels. Yeah, I would probably stay in a hostel untill I got a job and figured out a way to rent an apartment or something. Sounds kinda crappy and cheap but I like the idea more than going to school for another 3/4 years after attending school for 13 years.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-25T17:23:00

2004-08-25T21:25:20Z

My schedule is now fucked because Mr.Whitacre's class is 1st period. And I can't have a 1st period. So I have to rearrange everything, before I even get my real schedule. Goddamn I'm pissed off. The guidence office could have told me that Cultural Anthropology was a year long class! If they had told me I wouldn't have signed up only for a semester and my schedule wouldn't be fucked now. Fucking bitches.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-23T20:00:00

2004-08-24T00:10:34Z

I hate MCC. Of course their Elementary Russian class is going to be on Saturday...from 9-11:55...in Rockville. Why do the insist on putting all the good classes at Rockville. Give us poor peoples in T.P. a chance bitches! Ohhh...they have Italian at times that are good! But do I really want to take another Romance language? I don't know. All those conjugations are a bit annoying. Ok..really annoying. GODDAMMIT! The class is in Rockville. I HATE YOU BITCH ASS ROCKVILLE! Ok..I could still get out there if I wanted to. M/W from 6:30-7:45.

I still want to go on a foreign exchange, but I don't think my parents would want to pay for it. I'ld have to hustle my way to another country. Awww..I'll just take the damn Italian.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-23T19:45:00

2004-08-23T23:57:44Z

I sucked so hard at the placement class. So I'm not even going to audition for Washington or DIW. I think I just grew out of ballet, I'm done with it. I'll probably just take classes at Joy of Motion, they have these streem jam and urban fusion classes I'm dying to take. And Josh wants to do tap and I said I'ld go with him. At DCYO I want to do percussion in addition to bass but I might have to get to a higher level on bass so the class times don't conflict. And I want to do piano again, just not with my old teacher she yelled too much and the recitals are godawful long. Just ask my dad. He goes on about them..at length. I want to take language classes, but not at school. We have sucky language teachers and we only offer spanish, french, and latin. I want to learn Russian. It sounds cool when people yell at each other in Russian. Really cool. It's like BARISHNIKOV this and KONSTANTINOVIC that. Yeah...those are just last names, but they sound cool because who has v's in their last name? No one. Case closed.

And there was this girl at the class. I knew she was laughing at me. It's not my fault that I never got the proper training. I should have called her a bitch but you can't really do that around the teacher. Me and my mom both have this thing were we can just "tell" when people are talking about us. Honestly, 95.7889% of the time, it is true! Freaky right?

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-23T14:03:00

2004-08-23T18:05:22Z

Amazing. I love this picture. There's another one but it's three slides of her barefoot, in pumps, and then pointe. But This one is more simple.

Nervous again. Hopefully I won't be the suckiest person in the class. Please let there be someone else who is worse than me so I look better! Oh God. Only 2hours and 24 minutes to go. I need to stretch.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-23T03:30:00

2004-08-23T07:32:54Z

Awww snaps. Nervous, so nervous. My placement class is today to see if I can go to ADI. If I can't go to ADI then DIW and Washington are my last options for full programs. DIW is alright but Washington is better. And if those don't work out I'll just take some tap and jazz stuffs at Joy of Motion. Either way I'll still be dancing. And if I don't get to go to them I can do a sport. I don't know what sport to do. I still wanna try jujitsu. But I should do a school sport. I'ld do softball if it was baseball, but it's not. Wrestling is fun, but I bit scary when everyone in the couty who plays is male. I'ld do tennis but I think I was bad at it, I can't remember.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-22T22:46:00

2004-08-23T02:47:32Z

What.the.FUCK?! My computer is blocking out ballet sites. BALLET SITES. under the catergory of...get this...sex acts. Sex acts?! This is evil. I'm telling my dad to take this shit off, it's not doing anything but being annoying.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-22T15:42:00

2004-08-22T19:44:05Z

"We. All of us. Kids in general. We’re telling our parents and the adults around us what we need and need of them, but they don’t listen. Cause they don’t care or cause what we need doesn’t match up with what they think we need. They always say they want the best for us, but they never stop to think if that was what was best for them when they were kids, and now things are different. We’re not them. We’re not you! And what we need in our lives is what we need. It’s not in a bundle, packaged up ready to go. We’re bloody different, and there’s nothing wrong with trying to be who you are!"

Wow. That sums up everything that my life has been for the past 16 years. Only it didn't get angry untill about 6 years ago. It's from But I'm a Slytherin. It's not that great of a fanfic, but if you've seen But I'm a Cheerleader...it's hilarious.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-22T00:29:00

2004-08-22T04:35:02Z

I really like Dance Institute of Washington's pre-professional program. And there's a bonus, it's a an intensely diverse school, which can be hard to find around here. The price range is extremely affordable since they work mainly with us poor people who wish to dance on a budget. If I went for the level I want to be in I would be dancing like 12 or 13 hours which would be great as my first year in the program. This is really nerve wracking. God, I hate auditions.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-21T14:34:00

2004-08-21T18:43:39Z

Oh God. I so have hypothyroid whatchamacallit. One of the symptoms is delayed formation of teeth. I'm still growing my 12 year molars. I'm not 12 anymore. They hadn't even started growing when I was 12.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-21T14:06:00

2004-08-21T18:18:19Z

Oh snap! Tarzan is on. Why is this movie so funny? It shouldn't be, it's Disney. Funniest line of the movie:
"Oh look...bananas! Mwahahhahaha!!!" Ha! I still love that.

On Thursday I went to the neurologist and I was weighed and I told her what I weighed, my dad was there too, but I didn't really care. Well I felt good cause I lost like 6/7 pounds. What did my dad say? He said "You weigh that much?" I was like..thanks dad for lowering my already horrible self esteem/self image. Of course I didn't say that outloud. It was in my head.

And on Monday I have to go to the endocrinologist because my thyroid isn't fuctioning as much as it should. Or something like that? I don't know. What would that be, hypothyroid somethingorother? My doctor said that it may be the reason why I'm so short. Not that my family is tall but I should be atleast 3 inches taller than I am. And why I've been slightly overweight since I was like...8/9ish? If they give me some treatment that makes it function more I'll be glad. But I'm not really into growing taller. Though its really annoying to be short because every thinks you're younger(which is often a good thing) and people make inane comments about you're height. But I've grown into being short. Why would I want to be my sister's height? Either way my feet are still to big for my body. Way to big. Who else in this world is 5 feet but wears 9.5 shoes? I'll tell you who, noone. This would also explain why I sleep all the time. I remember in 5th grade I would sleep almost the entire day. I would fall asleep at school, go to after care and fall asleep untill my mom picked me up. Then we would go home, I'ld do some of my homework and fall asleep. Sleep is rather tasty though.

Help me someone, I think I actually like the Kelly Clarkson song!! Ok, I don't like it. But's not entirely annoying. This is horrible.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-21T03:14:00

2004-08-21T07:17:50Z

I've been wondering if it is possible for mail to carry the scent of a certain country. All the mail that I have gotten from the U.K. concerning universities have all smelled the same. It's a strange scent really. And today I got something from the American University in Cairo. And it smells different too. It smells very..spicy almost? Like that stereotypical Middle Eastern smell. Hmmm...I wonder what the U.S. smells like. Imani said that when she got back from Australia and got of the plane at LAX she could smell the smog and it smelled horrible. Wow. So we must smell pretty bad over here huh? It doesn't suprise me.

pianoblackness @ 2004-08-21T01:01:00

2004-08-21T05:26:29Z

You know what I hate? Romance novels. I have one and I was disgusted by the pitiful attempt at erotica. It's always "Make love this" and "man tool" that. Just say she got fucked! It's so simple. Why do romance authors feel the need to make sex so..romantic?! Sex is a basic need of all living creatures, especially mammals. It's like breathing, eating, and peeing. You have to do it. That's why people masturbate all the time!

Oh God. I am going to be such a nymphomaniac when I get outta here.

WOOT! My hair is growing. ANd it's atleast 2587times thicker than before. Not blow drying your hair does seriously wonders. Eliminating most heat does wonders. I haven't blow dried or flat ironed my hair since like May. Plus it's more curly than before, so it looks cooler when it's wet. And it takes less time to do my hair if I don't blow dry.

My mind is really rolling today. Why are high school guys not attractive? I don't mean just physically attractive because I can get over "good" looks and "bad" looks in a heartbeat. But there are no guys at school that are stupid, with out being ignorant, or smart without making me feel dumb. Not that I'm looking for a boyfriend, but I miss middle school when guys were still fun to hang around and didn't act "gansta" or "punk". They were just themselves back then. I used to have serious guy friends then. I still have more guy friends than most girls I know, minus Angie prolly, but the quality of the guys has dropped. Severely. Middle school seems like a long time ago. Almost 6 years. Thank the Lord, that school sucked ass monkeys.

Ah well, the guys at Edison in my program seemed really cool. Even if I only spend half the day there, it's one half less I spend at Blair. I hate you Blair. I wish that someone at the school was a pyromaniac or an arsnist and would burn you to the ground...as long as none of the people/animals that may be inside got hurt.